Anonymous asked: Do you have anyone you feel you need to apologize to or feel that any kind of reconciliation is necessary?
Yes, I have lots to apologize for through my life.
Anonymous asked: Well, there was also the "subconsciously induced" bit. So there is room for confusion as to whether or not you are in a tiny box of despairing loneliness or just too wrapped up in your idea of loneliness to see that people care about you.
Anytime I try to talk to someone, I get blown off or ignored. Even in person. I’m not stupid. It isn’t hard to see I’m unwanted in all the social circles.
Anonymous asked: So, you don't have anyone you can talk to? Even if it's just casual conversation?
You don’t comprehend that ‘crushing isolation’ do you.
Anonymous asked: Are there any good things happening?
My writing is smoother, my body is much more sleek and toned, and my voice is much improved. But just because I’m working hard and bettering myself instead of wallowing in self loathing doesn’t mean anything around me changed.
Anonymous asked: What's wrong?
Complete isolation (whether subconsciously induced is unknown) and this loneliness is literally crushing who I am. I’m just spending my time writing about a cruel book, clearly cruel to the outside world and everyone around me, but mainly cruel to myself and who I am. It’s painful but has potential. I’m tired of being alone every minute of every day and nobody talks to me or texts me or does anything and I’m really exhausted of being alone with myself.
Anonymous asked: How are things?
Very very very very very shitty.
Anonymous asked: I'm sorry.
So this morning I woke up and decided it was time to rock. I jump out of bed and start blaring Totally Fucked on my phone. Kick my door open and JAM THAT SHIT, DANCING IN MY UNDERWEAR AROUND THE HOUSE. FUCK YEAH. Rock my way out to the family room, turn, and make eye contact with some strange fat dude cleaning our pool. Without breaking eye contact, I slither backwards into my room and lock the door.
The moral of the story is that it’s never REALLY time to rock.
Loljk but holy shit did I fuck up that dude’s day.
I’ve done it again. I’ve thrust myself into everything I’ve ever wanted. Friends, comics, running my own life. I got the role in the musical. Writing my book. But I find myself blocked in. I’ve isolated myself from what I had before. Nobody around me is a person I can fully confide it or be consoled by. I’m alone, surrounded by people. And the loneliness is slowly killing me.